This is a question that many parents have been asking themselves… And, as with most tough questions that parents are up against, the answers just aren’t exactly straight forward.
While most experts would tell us to delay as long as you can, there’s also the always challenging pressure of hearing “everyone else at school has it”. And, if you’re anything like me, I’m always asking myself questions like “am I making this decision out of fear or wisdom?” or “would my teen be more prepared for ‘real life’ if I started this harder path now… or in another year or two?”.
Staying aware and active in our kid’s digital journey can feel overwhelming… And, the more holes we open into the cyber world (devices, websites, apps, etc.), the more helpless we feel in protecting them from the pitfalls that even adults fall into.
Thanks to legislation such as The Children’s Online Privacy and Protection Act (COPPA), there are specific federal requirements imposed on websites and online service providers to protect the privacy of children under 13. This is why you typically see social media companies such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, etc. requiring a minimum age of 13 to create an account.
The unfortunate reality is that I still see far too many kids younger than 13 in our schools, churches, and friend circles with access to social media . In fact, a recent Common Sense Census in 2021 shows that approximately 38% of children between the ages 8 to 12 have access to social media. That’s over 1/3 of our middle schoolers! And that’s likely conservative… One organization that I follow (Protect Young Eyes) said that when they speak in classrooms and ask the question ‘how many of you have a social media account of your own right now?, at least half the room raises their hands. Furthermore, research shows that…
Up to 95% of youth ages 13–17 report using a social media platform, with more than a third saying they use social media “almost constantly.” (-U.S. Surgeon General Advisory)
Ok, all that’s good… But, what’s the ‘right’ age for Social Media? It’s a good question… but it’s not the ONLY question! I’ll satisfy your heart a little here… the answer is likely somewhere between 13 and 17. Under 13 is just unethical (as you’d be teaching your kids to lie when creating an account) and this appears to be too soon based on current research.
However, you probably want to start the journey before your teen is 17 and heading off to college without your ability to journey with and coach through this experience vs. throwing them to the wolves. I, personally, lean towards a delay until at least high school years (based on current research and a lack of better parental capabilities), but I’m always looking for creative ways to open doors towards positive learning (with a good set of guardrails). I’d urge you to do your own homework and reflection on this. In fact, I’d love to hear from you on this topic. Contact me or DM me on your favorite social media platform.
More importantly, there’s MUCH MORE to this equation than just age…. you should ask yourself a series of questions that are unique to your family…
- Is your teenager ready for the temptations and trials that come along with jumping into social media at this stage in their growth and maturity level?
Emotionally. is he or she ready for the continuous feedback on image or body image, comparisons, bullying, hate, etc. In raising 6 kiddos, I am always so floored as to just how different each one is in how they respond, emotionally, to different situations. One of my daughters is overly emotional (highs and lows) to the slightest bit of change, conflict, stress or relationships, whereas my son holds his cards much closer to his chest and requires us to pay closer attention to signs or emotional triggers.
Relationally. is your teen stable in friendships or struggling with identity, fitting in, experiencing a good bit of teenage drama, or running into recurring conflict?
Maturity. Where is he in his ability to listen and process wisdom or guidance on digital pitfalls of social media? How well do they comprehend and communicate their ability to connect the dots between the physical and virtual worlds?
Trust. This is the foundation for all relationships and particularly important to the journey of parenting. Is she trustworthy and obedient in operating within a set of agreed upon boundaries (with or without parental controls) or in a season or stage of rebellion; continuously pushing the limits or breaking trust?
- What social media platform is your teen wanting… and, Why? Ex. Snapchat is and always has been one of the more controversial and one that most advisors would say is a favorite of child predators due to its stealthy feature-set… I find asking WHY helps spark a conversation on alternative options to meet legitimate needs or desires.
Remember… social media platforms are in business to make a profit and the way they do that is by keeping you coming back (even when you don’t want to), scrolling and sharing data (every follow, post, like, comment, etc.), SO THAT they can collect data about you and use that towards advertisement and promotional targeting related sales. And, most of this is done in a way that even most adults don’t fully understand.
And… you’re up against some real-world threats…
- Yes, there’s porn on social media
- Yes, online child predators are real and targeting children using social media
- Yes, teens are more susceptible to online scams
- Yes, teens can send photos and messages that will disappear
- Yes, teens are sending and receiving nude photos; some forwarding without consent
- Yes, teens can remove search history in social media (even with current controls)
- And, yes, in both Instagram and Snapchat, your child can and will find ways around controls
Current research seems to show there’s more risk in allowing social media too early than there is in holding out a bit longer; despite the social pressures your teen may be feeling.
On the other hand, ask yourself the question… “Does my teen already have an account without my knowledge or consent… maybe using a friend’s device?”
This is NOT to instill fear or any fear-based emotional responses… it’s quite the opposite. I want us, as parents, grandparents, guardians, or influencers of our youth to be aware and educated SO THAT we can move towards a more positive experience with tech; not to avoid altogether!
And, as you’ve likely figured out by now, my goal is not to directly answer the question of age for you, but rather help you to be well-informed to make the RIGHT decision for YOUR family. In that light, we’ll spend the next article jumping into more specific best practices along with several resources if you want to dive deeper. Stay encouraged, stay in touch, and happy parenting!
MARK SCALIA 